On the 71st day.

Yep 71 days and counting since the POP that put me on the ground. I ate the sawdust in the arena running Gyp in Snooker (which I might add scares me to death to run again). What looks like an everyday average knobby knee is not. This knee is trying to ruin my life. Keep trying knee, just because you're giving me pain, stiffness and swelling, and keeping me from the things i love to do, i will not sink to your level. You've done it before - sure not to this extent, but i got better despite your ability to drop me to the floor at full speeds.

You are a royal pain in the ass, sometimes literally. My brain wants to run, but my body won't let me. And just because you have the Doctor, Physiotherapist and the Orthopedic Surgeon some what stumped, and asking more questions than answers, you better get your shit together and start healing up. I want answers. I have stuff to do, places to see, and Agility to run, and it requires you, not just your buddy Mr. Perfect on the left leg. I hope my Physiotherapist is right - I will be better than ever, I'm hardcore about doing my Physio and hitting the Gym, I want to be better.

I am having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes. I try my best to stay positive and keep doing my thing - the best i can. I've hit a block and nothing has really improved in the last 3 weeks, in fact sometimes it feels worse than ever. It's been 71 days since i've been "normal", since I've jogged with my dogs, since I've taken the dogs for walks and runs with no pain, since i've handled my dogs to my full ability - done a threadle, and well not had daily pain. Just last week in the span of 10 minutes, someone commented "you look stiff tonight", followed by someone saying "you are sure walking better these days". I liked the second comment better.

The last thing to come will be my lateral and pivoting movement, sure I can run a straight line at about 75% speed, but my dogs are in Masters - and require far more from me. I'm not sure when I'll be handling again fully, but sticking with doing the little bits I do, helps me realize how far I have to go, because I know where I was physically before this injury. My dogs have had to compensate a bit for my lack of handling, and that is what I DO NOT want, to even run a jumpers course right now, I would have to change my handling almost completely, and that is not fair for my dogs - when I'm better, I don't want to have them second guessing, since they rarely do. See my dilemma? Damned if I do, damned if I don't!

I guess it's hard because if it is one of my dogs injured, i would have to take a step back and help them heal, and do everything i can, and there would be nothing more i can do about it, than let it take its course, it is my responsibility to do so. But when it is me that is injured and my dogs are fine and able to run, frankly i feel fucking ripped off. I always say, better me than them, as I have health coverage and insurance, but really, either way it sucks ass. So I will continue to keep my chin up, my brace on and my knee aligned, and hope for the best.

Let's make a deal, knee. You get better and i quit talkin' smack about you?