YAY! it's 2011 (insert sarcasm here)

Well as relieved as I am to have 2010 behind me, 2011 scares the crap out of me. While last year was he hardest year of my life health wise for myself and my dogs, this coming year will also be full of transitions, many I am scared to even think about. As much as I wanted to 2010 to be done, I am having a really hard time looking forward to the difficult things ahead this year. I can't even read peoples blogs about goals, because I really can't think of any, and it makes me sad. I just want to hide and remove myself from the dog world all together sometimes. But the support from friends is what keeps me going these days.

Jane's health. The unknown scares me and I just cherish everyday with her. 2010 started with a diagnosis from the Internal specialist in Calgary with a Gall Stone, having 3 teeth pulled in the summer and being diagnosed with CHF. It's been almost 4 months since she diagnosed and I don't know how many more we will get. I try not to think about it and so do what we do, day to day.

Kaleb is approaching 9, though not acting like an old dog I am realistic about it. I am so thankful he is back better than ever and my frame of mind changed after almost losing him, and I feel closer to him than ever before. We accomplished more together than I ever thought possible, he truly is an amazing dog. He has earned every big title possible that he can almost ever get - around 40 titles .... Where do we go next? He has nothing to prove, but as long as he is having fun and healthy, we will keep playing :)

And my Gyppie girl ... Out now 2 months and who knows how long until she will get back to training. We have fun doing her physio exercises, it is something for her to do and for us to do together. I miss seeing her run laps around in the field bounding through the tall grass. I am thankful we have the Therapy Dog work as it is some nice one on one time for us. She might not see the agility ring this year at all if the timing works how I think it might, and that makes me really sad.

And then there is me. It's been almost a year since I blew my knee - January 9th ... Not that I'm keeping track or anything. One year later and I still live with daily pain from my meniscus tear and compensation for no ACL. I am scheduled for surgery in February. The jury is still undecided if I will go for the full reconstruction of the ACL or just do the cartilage repair. 6 weeks vs. 6 months. Either way I am sick about it. I hated the feeling last year not being able to run, it wasn't until May that I could - but if I learned anything last year it was - I CAN FUCKING DO IT. All I know is the next month will involve me getting stronger at the gym in preparation for it. I hate the thought of not being in the agility ring, driving, walking the dogs etc. We haven't trialed since September and I only started trialing again in March - 5 months of trialing in 2010. It was a short trial year, but despite that, we were darn successful. I just don't want to relive last year, but it looks like I might have too.

I have Kaleb entered in a trial in 2 weeks and I am really having a hard time convincing myself to go. I miss running Gyp more than you can imagine. It might be my last trial for many months and I just worry I will lose the love for the game. I want to hide and avoid the whole experience, it is a really odd feeling and I am not sure what is going on with myself.

This isn't really the new years post I had in mind ... I'm going to look back at our accomplishments for 2010 - so many i am so proud of, and despite some adversity did more than we could have imagined!! It will help me to see it all written down in front of me. I didn't put the super positive spin on this post I was hoping too, I just need a few days to really absorb the past, the present and the future .... and reflect on it myself.

I want to make 2011 a year to remember ... enjoy the small things, and take time to stop and smell the roses.

Happy New Year to everyone :)